Star Captain FAQ
Q. What is a star captain?
A. Star captains are men of great heroism, valor, and honor. They bravely destroy space aliens every day so you and I can live in peace.
Q. What does a star captain look like?
A. They usually have stubble. Many star captains also have a square jaw, a helmet, or both. Star captains can be found at the helm of a Subspace Recon Corvette, or in a cave somewhere killing aliens, or even on
the maintenance deck of their ship, fixing a broken ionic discharge router.
Q. I've never met a star captain. Give me an example of a famous star captain.
A.
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Ricardo "Legs" Cook, who fought off space crabs while he rerouted the flux capacitors to the shield generator, comes to mind. Don't forget his heroic friend,
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Trevor "Johnny" McNeil, who served under
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Rick "Moondirt" Stevens in the Battle of Ravin IX.
Q. What sort of weapon does a star captain use?
A. Well, Star Captain
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Dirk "Chigger" Wiggin made the Fleet Standard Issue Ion Projector famous. His contemporary,
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Leon "Doc" Higgins, of course prefers the Fleet Standard Issue Ion Projector. A true star captain feels comfortable with a whole range of weapons, from GE Beam Batons to Arman Death Sticks.
Q. Wow, star captains are really great! Will you tell me all about them?
A. You bet! You can subscribe to the official Star Captains Club of America RSS feed. Every so often, we will
update it with the latest breaking news about our heroes in the sky.
An example of a harrowing tale from the galactic front lines:
The Intergalactic News Service just received a report stating that just this morning, Star Captain Dimitri "Rocket Toes" James, veteran of the Galactic Civil War, broke free of an enemy cell to deliver intelligence on the troop movements of the Balsa Pirates! He will receive the Blue Galaxy Award for his honorable display of valor. During the ordeal, James was reported to have
used his Fleet Standard Issue Phasetronic Raygun with deadly effectiveness. Known to the crew of his Planetary Assault Destroyer simply as
"Rocket Toes," James is a humble yet intense star captain. His life-long friend and navigator,
Roy "Shark" Guttenov, says this about him: "Rocket Toes can do it all. One minute he's fixing a
pulse resonator, the next he's off fighting Romarin Raiders with his Klingon Pulse Rifle. He's really
an impressive man, and we're glad that he's at the helm of the R.S.S. Punxsutawney." The Grand Admiral will be presenting the award at a formal ceremony later this week.
