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Star Captains Club of America

Star Captain FAQ

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Star Captain FAQ

Q. What is a star captain?
A. Star captains are men of great heroism, valor, and honor. They bravely destroy space aliens every day so you and I can live in peace.

Q. What does a star captain look like?
A. They usually have stubble. Many star captains also have a square jaw, a helmet, or both. Star captains can be found at the helm of a Subspace Recon Corvette, or in a cave somewhere killing aliens, or even on the maintenance deck of their ship, fixing a broken sonic energy manipulater.

Q. I've never met a star captain. Give me an example of a famous star captain.
A.
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Julius "Rocket Toes" Sander, who fought off space crabs while he rerouted the flux capacitors to the shield generator, comes to mind. Don't forget his heroic friend,
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Leon "Shark" Kipper, who served under
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Jean "Planetbarber" Williams in the Tempeh Wars.

Q. What sort of weapon does a star captain use?
A. Well, Star Captain
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Charles "Gravity" Davis made the Taihatsu Heavy Industries Beam Baton famous. His contemporary,
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Peppy "Peppy" Riley, of course prefers the Scythan Pulse Rifle. A true star captain feels comfortable with a whole range of weapons, from Scythan Beam Batons to Klingon Pulse Rifles.

Q. Wow, star captains are really great! Will you tell me all about them?
A. You bet! You can subscribe to the official Star Captains Club of America RSS feed. Every so often, we will update it with the latest breaking news about our heroes in the sky.

An example of a harrowing tale from the galactic front lines:

The Intergalactic News Service just received a report stating that just this morning, Star Captain James "Fingernails" Benson, veteran of the Tempeh Wars, broke free of an enemy cell to deliver intelligence on the troop movements of the Balsa Pirates! He will receive the Red Asteroid Medal for his selfless act of heroism. During the ordeal, Benson was reported to have used his Arman Ion Projector with deadly effectiveness. Known to the crew of his Fleet Tactical Carrier simply as "Fingernails," Benson is a humble yet intense star captain. His life-long friend and navigator, Jean "Shin Splints" Spender, says this about him: "Fingernails can do it all. One minute he's fixing a flux capacitor, the next he's off fighting Kharaa Cave Dogs with his Taihatsu Heavy Industries Beam Baton. He's really an impressive man, and we're glad that he's at the helm of the U.S.S. Liberator." The Grand Admiral will be presenting the award at a formal ceremony tomorrow.