Star Captain FAQ
Q. What is a star captain?
A. Star captains are men of great heroism, valor, and honor. They bravely destroy space aliens every day so you and I can live in peace.
Q. What does a star captain look like?
A. They usually have stubble. Many star captains also have a square jaw, a helmet, or both. Star captains can be found at the helm of a Fleet Tactical Carrier, or in a cave somewhere killing aliens, or even on
the maintenance deck of their ship, fixing a broken pulse resonator.
Q. I've never met a star captain. Give me an example of a famous star captain.
A. Biff "Fingernails" Jones, who single-handedly brought democracy to the indigenous life forms of Hraakor, comes to mind. Don't forget his heroic friend,
Clive "Chigger" Jameson, who served under
Raymond "Fingernails" James in the Galactic Civil War.
Q. What sort of weapon does a star captain use?
A. Well, Star Captain Jack "Trout" Astronov made the Scythan Reaper famous. His contemporary,
Ricardo "Gravity" Jones, of course prefers the Taihatsu Heavy Industries Phasetronic Raygun. A true star captain feels comfortable with a whole range of weapons, from Teragyll Pulse Rifles to Incam Energy Repeaters.
Q. Wow, star captains are really great! Will you tell me all about them?
A. You bet! You can subscribe to the official Star Captains Club of America RSS feed. Every so often, we will
update it with the latest breaking news about our heroes in the sky.
An example of a harrowing tale from the galactic front lines:
The Intergalactic News Service just received a report stating that today, Star Captain Jack "Trout" Williams, veteran of the Fifth Invasion, broke free of an enemy cell to deliver intelligence on the troop movements of the Balsa Pirates! He will receive the Purple Blaster Award for his honorable display of valor. During the ordeal, Williams was reported to have
used his Flexmatic PP7000 with deadly effectiveness. Known to the crew of his Fleet Tactical Carrier simply as
"Trout," Williams is a humble yet intense star captain. His life-long friend and navigator,
Ricardo "Ringworm" Grillet, says this about him: "Trout can do it all. One minute he's fixing a
ionic discharge router, the next he's off fighting Kharaa Cave Dogs with his Scythan Pulse Rifle. He's really
an impressive man, and we're glad that he's at the helm of the F.C.S. Death's Head." The Grand Admiral will be presenting the award at a formal ceremony on Star Date 110857.
