Star Captain FAQ
Q. What is a star captain?
A. Star captains are men of great heroism, valor, and honor. They bravely destroy space aliens every day so you and I can live in peace.
Q. What does a star captain look like?
A. They usually have stubble. Many star captains also have a square jaw, a helmet, or both. Star captains can be found at the helm of a Planetary Assault Destroyer, or in a cave somewhere killing aliens, or even on
the maintenance deck of their ship, fixing a broken ionic discharge router.
Q. I've never met a star captain. Give me an example of a famous star captain.
A.
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Raymond "Jackal" Paulson, who daringly charged an assassin droid to save the prince's life, comes to mind. Don't forget his heroic friend,
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Julius "Fingernails" Stevens, who served under
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Louis "Peppy" Johnson in the Tempeh Wars.
Q. What sort of weapon does a star captain use?
A. Well, Star Captain
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Roy "Prettyboy" O'Mule made the Incam Quad Laser famous. His contemporary,
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Tex "Micro" Spender, of course prefers the Walther Quad Laser. A true star captain feels comfortable with a whole range of weapons, from Arman Tech Beam Rifles to Taihatsu Heavy Industries PP7000s.
Q. Wow, star captains are really great! Will you tell me all about them?
A. You bet! You can subscribe to the official Star Captains Club of America RSS feed. Every so often, we will
update it with the latest breaking news about our heroes in the sky.
An example of a harrowing tale from the galactic front lines:
The Intergalactic News Service just received a report stating that at 23:51 on Star Date 110851.81, Star Captain Biff "Leaky" McGreely, veteran of the Tempeh Wars, fought bravely to defend the last outpost on Tragon IV! He will receive the Medal of Extreme Honor for his honorable display of valor. During the ordeal, McGreely was reported to have
used his Klingon Quad Laser with deadly effectiveness. Known to the crew of his Galactic Heavy Frigate simply as
"Leaky," McGreely is a humble yet intense star captain. His life-long friend and navigator,
French "Peppy" Neilson, says this about him: "Leaky can do it all. One minute he's fixing a
sonic energy manipulater, the next he's off fighting Zarvekian Trader-Assassins with his Flexmatic Pulse Rifle. He's really
an impressive man, and we're glad that he's at the helm of the F.C.S. Death's Head." The Great Leader will be presenting the award at a formal ceremony later this week.
