Star Captain FAQ
Q. What is a star captain?
A. Star captains are men of great heroism, valor, and honor. They bravely destroy space aliens every day so you and I can live in peace.
Q. What does a star captain look like?
A. They usually have stubble. Many star captains also have a square jaw, a helmet, or both. Star captains can be found at the helm of a Terran Alliance Capital Ship, or in a cave somewhere killing aliens, or even on
the maintenance deck of their ship, fixing a broken pulse resonator.
Q. I've never met a star captain. Give me an example of a famous star captain.
A.
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Peppy "Ringworm" Kipper, who single-handedly brought democracy to the indigenous life forms of Hraakor, comes to mind. Don't forget his heroic friend,
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Trevor "Peppy" McLeod, who served under
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John "Shark" McLeod in the Battle of Double-Jupiter.
Q. What sort of weapon does a star captain use?
A. Well, Star Captain
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Buck "Dampy" Wiggin made the Fleet Standard Issue Beam Baton famous. His contemporary,
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Biff "Planetbarber" McLeod, of course prefers the Teragyll Reaper. A true star captain feels comfortable with a whole range of weapons, from Fleet Standard Issue Death Sticks to Taihatsu Heavy Industries Quad Lasers.
Q. Wow, star captains are really great! Will you tell me all about them?
A. You bet! You can subscribe to the official Star Captains Club of America RSS feed. Every so often, we will
update it with the latest breaking news about our heroes in the sky.
An example of a harrowing tale from the galactic front lines:
The Intergalactic News Service just received a report stating that just this morning, Star Captain Buck "The Professor" Johnson, veteran of the Battle of Double-Jupiter, successfully led the fleet through the System Alpha asteroid belt! He will receive the Orange Star Award for his ferocious display of patriotism. During the ordeal, Johnson was reported to have
used his Incam Quad Laser with deadly effectiveness. Known to the crew of his Planetary Assault Destroyer simply as
"The Professor," Johnson is a humble yet intense star captain. His life-long friend and navigator,
Dimitri "Legs" Gibbs, says this about him: "The Professor can do it all. One minute he's fixing a
shield generator, the next he's off fighting Galvorian Space Pirates with his Klingon Death Stick. He's really
an impressive man, and we're glad that he's at the helm of the H.M.S.V. Toucan." The Keeper of the Fleet will be presenting the award at a formal ceremony next week.
